{"id":5639,"date":"2026-05-14T05:13:56","date_gmt":"2026-05-14T02:13:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/?p=5639"},"modified":"2026-06-02T17:55:56","modified_gmt":"2026-06-02T14:55:56","slug":"sh-35","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/sh-35\/","title":{"rendered":"I Am Not a Captive"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tFree Voice\u00ab<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t
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This<\/span>\u00a0testimony is not about a single incident, but about the fear that slowly infiltrates everyday life when a person begins to feel that even their identity has become a question.<\/span><\/p>\n

From a passing conversation in front of a rural house, to the anxiety shaped by the transformations Syrians have lived through in recent years, this text reveals how words and small events can leave deep traces \u2014 and how fear gradually shifts from an inner feeling into a lived reality that threatens the meaning of safety and belonging.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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\u00abBut even the sea can no longer calm the anxiety that began growing inside us since the end of 2024.\u00bb \u00a0<\/span>
\u2014 Hanin<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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Will safety return?
<\/b>She is a mother.
<\/span>She asks me, fear visible in her eyes: \u201cWill safety return one day?\u201d
<\/span>I have become addicted to following the news, and I have also become its source for the neighbors.
<\/span>She is a mother afraid for her children, and I am the same.
<\/span>Today she asked me: \u201cWill Btool come back?\u201d
<\/span>I answered with a tight throat: \u201cShe will definitely come back\u2026 somehow, she will come back.\u201d
<\/span>Maybe like May Saloum,
<\/span>maybe like Mira,
<\/span>or like Hala and her son\u2026
<\/span>Or maybe she will return \u2014 but I don\u2019t know where to.<\/span><\/p>\n

Since then, fear has lived with us as part of daily life.
<\/span>Not a passing fear, but a long, uncertain one \u2014 a fear of the unknown.<\/span><\/p>\n

I live with my husband in the countryside, far from the noise of the city, somewhat close to the sea that has always been my only refuge.
<\/span>But even the sea can no longer calm the anxiety that began growing inside us since the end of 2024.
<\/span>We were still under the weight of shock and incomprehension. I saw a stranger from the window speaking with my husband, so I went out and stood beside him \u2014 perhaps driven by a primal fear of the unknown.<\/span><\/p>\n

He asked me: \u201cWhat is your name?\u201d
<\/span>I replied: \u201cUm Yahiya.\u201d
<\/span>Then I added: \u201cAnd also Um Jaan.\u201d
<\/span>He looked at me in surprise, so I said: \u201cBecause I am Christian.\u201d
<\/span>He asked: \u201cAnd why did you not convert to Islam?\u201d
<\/span>I replied: \u201cAnd why should I? Isn\u2019t worshipping God one and the same?\u201d
<\/span>He looked at me before withdrawing from the conversation and saying: \u201cNo\u2026 it is not the same.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

At that moment, I stared at his long hair and beard reaching his waist, and silently wondered: since when can a single idea fill a human mind so completely?<\/span><\/p>\n

From that moment on, the fear inside me intensified \u2014 the same fear felt by many from minority communities. Fear of incoming news, of disappearing names, of unanswered questions, of the shape this country is taking, and of the new language slowly imposing itself on daily life.<\/span><\/p>\n

With time, that fear no longer seemed exaggerated.
<\/span>What began to appear were so-called \u201cindividual cases\u201d: a young man killed here, a girl abducted there, another report spreading panic through households.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then came March 7.
<\/strong>That day, it felt as if the roads themselves were soaked in blood. Entire families disappeared, were erased, or were left alone to face loss.
<\/span>There is nothing more painful than the loss of children. Nothing like the lump that stays stuck in the throat when grief becomes permanent \u2014 a tear that never dries.<\/span><\/p>\n

But what hurt most was what began to accompany the stories of women and girls.
<\/span>Girls who were once the joy of homes, mothers of the future, suddenly became in some narratives \u201ccaptives.\u201d
<\/span>What an ugly word. And what a heavy meaning it carries.<\/span><\/p>\n

In those moments, it was not one woman who was screaming \u2014 but many: Alawite, Druze, Christian, Kurdish\u2026 as if Syrian womanhood itself was speaking with one voice:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI am not a captive\u2026 and I will never be.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\tWritten by:<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tHanin<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u0647\u0630\u0647 \u0627\u0644\u0634\u0647\u0627\u062f\u0629 \u0644\u064a\u0633\u062a \u0639\u0646 \u062d\u0627\u062f\u062b\u0629 \u0648\u0627\u062d\u062f\u0629 \u0641\u0642\u0637\u060c \u0628\u0644 \u0639\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u062e\u0648\u0641 \u0627\u0644\u0630\u064a \u064a\u062a\u0633\u0644\u0651\u0644 \u0625\u0644\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u062d\u064a\u0627\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u064a\u0648\u0645\u064a\u0629…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5642,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5639","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-experience","category-human-narrative-testimony"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":6}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5639","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5639"}],"version-history":[{"count":42,"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5639\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7273,"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5639\/revisions\/7273"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5642"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5639"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5639"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/malathinitiative.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5639"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}